This is a very hard post for me to write. It is my first, non-recipe post in quite some time, and the topic that God has laid up on my heart is weighty.
What crushes my spirit this morning is that my youngest daughter has recently expressed doubt about the reality of God. She is struggling that the Bible may just be a story that someone wrote…not the inspired Word of God. She is questioning if there are alternative answers to the questions, “How did we get here” and “How was everything created.” Last night, she said that although she has prayed the prayer to accept Jesus, she is not sure as to the reality of it all, and therefore, has not really committed herself to Him.
As a parent, this was a crushing blow to my soul. I know the effects that doubt can have…it’s like a slow drip of water that etches away at foundation of your soul. Its effects are plaguing, even inwardly decaying, and can drown all sense of hope and joy. Doubt destroys inner peace.
As her doubts have surfaced, my overall level of anxiety has increased. I want to fix this for her, but I know I can’t. I can’t believe for her. I can’t magically take these feelings away. I can’t make this one all better.
This morning, as I was thinking and praying about this…I was struck that she is not the only one with doubts. They also exist…in me. Ugh. As hard as it is for me to admit this, I had to face the fact that I am holding on to doubts about God. Doubts about His sovereign power in my daughter’s life. Doubts about His ability to cure her doubting fears. The fact is that my anxiety is a sign that I have taken her out of His arms and put her into mine.
Oh, Lord, please forgive and help my unbelief! As Abraham had awe-inspiring heights of faith to place his beloved Isaac on the altar, may I do the same with my babe. She is not mine to save, but Yours. It is not my work that will bring her into heaven, but Your completed work on the cross. Not to my glory, but all glory in salvation is for You. (Link to LIFE post)
As I confess and repent from my own doubts, I know what I must do. Signs of doubt illuminate a muted view of God. So then to douse the doubt and increase my faith, I must elevate my view of God. I must meditate on the scope of His character, the vastness His resources, and the depth of His sovereign love. Therein lies the cure to restore my inner peace. Therein is the balm for my heavy heart.
Philippians 4:7-8 (NIV)
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.